lately...

So many things happen since the last time i wrote on my blog. I really wish i could update it all so that my family can read more about my life. I am absolutely will find my time to sit down and do some writing. But until this thursday, my heart just won't stop beating fastly. A level result came out that morning, i don't even sure whether i have the courage to look at it. So maybe on my next entry i would write about my result. Ya Allah, please kindly make me accept whatever my score would be. May it'll be the best of me.

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Pre- Spain Graduation dinner

Same with the other program like asasi n foundation at other university, our pre-spain also held our annual dinner. Well most of the works is done by the seniors...I guess the juniors could only look at the work...although we did help a little...just little.

Anyway, the dinner was held at this hotel named CITITEL..from the source that came to me..this hotel are rated 4 star, and also approved by JAKIM. So no need to be worried by the food prepared. The hotel was located at Pulau Pinang, so our bus had to move from Kulim at 6.00 p.m...even though we planned to leave at 5.30p.m. I was excited to look at the boy's outfit..but I was a bit disappointed...well, I was hoping for a new hairstyle or some extra accessories...I guess the boys of pre-spain weren't just that type of people.

Have I mention I was the MC for the ceremony? haha..seriously..that is the stupidest thing I ever did this year. I should be enjoying as much food I can that night...instead, I end up messing my mind with the flow of ceremony and fighting with my partner, izudin for the microphone.

Well, most of the time I actually pity toword my poor girlfriends. The 4 of them were just sitting there doing nothing except eating...( which I actually jelous a bit). It is not fun for me. I like mingle with my whole classmate..but the sitting were like separating the 5 of us...guess we use to be only 5 of us...but I hate that fact. I miss those girls I known back at school..wish there were more girls around me..I guess I'm just so sick of being with guys who so full of themselves.

Okey, enought about the feelings...the best part that night is that, I get lucky!..haha well if you include getting your number being mention in the lucky draw as lucky. Luckily I was not on the stage that time...it was izudin's turn. I guess the stage couldn't get enough of me..hahaha. (dah start dah penyakit aq ni). what a pity...is that the best thing I could get from an annual dinner? well...I guess I'm that pity.

But that is not the worst story of the night...we have this game where you have to buy a present and then exchange it with the person that you took their name from the draw. The truth is, I was grateful that izzudin was the person that get my present, since I was hoping I don't have to give it to people that I hate, or I recently can't get fit in...the worst part is that, well my present was brought by my so sweeeettt old friend, SHAHRIL. He is so damn sweeettt by buying me this soooo giltttterrrringgg SPANAR. haha...honestly, it was the best prize I ever get...no one ever give me something like that...I guess I'll never going to forget this thing until I die. By the way..I love the box. It looks very classy.

I think the dinner must be really a meaningful for the seniors...after 2 years...who knows what's going happen next...I guess I'll be missing them after this. The senior I miss the most, well that would be eddy for sure. Hopefully the good luck will be on his side and may get excellent result in the A LEVEL. For the other seniors, I hope I can get to know them more...if we still have chances to meet again...

the night ended and I start felt glad. Don't really sure the reasons why..

why people are like that??

why people demand so much?
>is it because life too short?
>or it because people are selfish?

why can't people accept for who we really are?
>is it so hard to change one thing about ourselves?
>or it because people think that they are so perfect?

why can people say the truth for the goods of others?
>why must insult one by telling what is right?
>is it because they never care for the others goods?

why people always forget?
>is it because they too busy?
>or it because they don't even care?

These questions keep pop in my head recently. My life are surrounded by people who sometimes can't realize things that really happen around them. People say they have feelings but why do they act like don't. Seriously life is too short. Why can't we treasure as much as we can.

sickness..

last week..went back home to see my father before he fly back to Frances..but on my way back to my college...my friend brought me a sandwich, from the small stall at the bus station...okey..straight to the point..the sandwich were poisonous...and my friend and i end up having food poisoning the next day..on monday..i was still holding my grip...so i went for my physics class that morning...but i was wrong...i can only stand on a half hour in the class and i went out to the toilet...my stomach, my head, my chest ..were killing me...i almost slept on the toilet...until my friends come and told that class almost end...after the class my sick friend and i went to the clinic with a help of my other friend...it was confirm that i have food poisoning this time..and i was given 2 days off...but the thing is...i was sick for the hold week..on thursday..i had to go to hospital to get some treatment because i can't eat anything....everything i eat..will be through out back...by me vomiting..but i still go for class on friday...at the very end second of the class...which i slept most of the time...suddenly, all my sickness seems to disappear...weird..one thing about this sickness that i hate...it seems like don't want me to go for class the whole week..but i do learn a lot from this sickness though,...most of it is how i should be grateful of what i already had during i am healthy... i also learn that people can be very mean and also kind at the same time...but thanks to this sickness too...my relationship with people around me are building stronger...and i also made new relationship...:)

pre-trial mood...

is only left one day before my AS trial exam week. frankly speaking...i do not set any target for this trial...because i know i'm not ready for it. so far...is not that i don't care about my study or result, seriously...i am aiming for a straight A this time...i know i can do it..but just not in this trial..i'm so not prepare. so far i think my chemistry need more memorizing...especially the paper are only an hour and 15 minutes...even if you are given book to cheek the answers...you will need more than that...the time are too short. but i think chemistry paper 1 would be where i should score more. so i'm counting for that. hopefully i could make it like kak fiq who got full mark for her chemistry paper 1. chemistry paper 2....i really need more time for you.

even though my physic paper 1 last semester was great..i know it wasn't based on my lecture's comment. but i'm really counting on physic than chemistry because my brain just accept physic better than chemistry...haha..what an accuse.. and i am in love with physic since SPM.

i know people expect to get A in math...but last semester i made a big mistake...i take math exam for granted...and take this...i failed my mechanics paper...after that..i learned my lesson. thank Allah, He made me realize that success is not something to be expected...it is something you must work your hard to earn it...so, i will strive my best...for parents and especially myself to get straight in AS...just not in this trial.

15 march 2011

With full of gratefulness towords all the things that have been given to me...I'm very thankful to Allah for my life have been a great lesson this past 19 years and I hope that I didn't waste any part of my life.

Birthday was a very speacial day for me. But now, it seem to change it meanings to me. Usually my birthday would fall on the school holiday. So fortunately that I always get to spent it with my family or my friends. Since now I'm no longer in school...it was no holiday during my birthday.Of course, I'm in college now.

Anyway, I'm still lucky because my dad is coming back home today...he will arrive in malaysia tomorrow. So my whole family will came to my place to spent the school holiday. I just wish I could treasure every moment I have with them.

At very sharp second on the first hours of my birthday...the girls in my dorm sang me a happy birthday song. Even though there were only 4 of them...and 2 were actually singing...I still felt happy. At least someone is happy for me.

Since maxis are giving reward on everyone birthday....I called anyone I could...especially those who I never heard from them in a really long time...nice to finally speak to them...is not that you wish for their wishes...but just to ask how their life have been doing.

By the way, the boys of my class also sang me a song. It was during the first hour of class...Madam Hayati noticed my birthday from the Facebook I guessed. haha...the boy's singing were suck..I was expecting some louder voice or a broken radio but it seem like they were shy.I definitely wasn't hoping for any angle voice or what...after all, they are not singer.

At the afternoon...just before magrib time...two of my friends, Hijazi and Afif called me to came down the cafe. They told me they need the money for the girls posters. I wasn't sure why can't they use their own money first or just wait until our class that night. But I were suspicious when Afif told me to came down alone.

The next part was a sweet memory for me. It turn out, they both bought me a cake. A chocolate cake...wasn't my favorite but it really touch me. Luckily I didn't cry on that spot. I could loose my manly...hahaha. Anyway..we ate almost most 5/6 of the cake..haha..actually hijazi eat 3/6, afif almost2/6...and I less than 1/6. haha..we couldn't finish the cake so I brought the cake back to my dorm. The girls were shock..but not that shock la.

I thought FB would be clossing on 15 march...but when I went online...there were many HB post on my wall...haha..well that's all I could write about my birthday this year. Hye..it's my last year of being teenager..I just noticed.

13 march..

Today might be nothing to most of people in the world, it just a single day that's keep repeating as the same every year...again, and again. But for me...it reminds me of the things that made me who I am today...until now, it still affect me inside.

The truth is, on this faithfully date...I witnessed a lost of a boy who once was the hope of every adult that someday he will become a very great person who benefit the country, people, religious and most of all...his family.

At a very young age...I didn't really realize how the world system is... all I know is that I have to study and get the good result. but the things is...I'm a late bloomer. Every since I was child, my mind just won't work as fast as anyone else. And there was this boy..who happen to be the boy next door...or should I say the boy in front door?? Because he actually lived in front of my house...not next to it. Anyway, he was my neighbor...brilliant student at my school and we were at the same age since we were born.

My dad always compare me to him which totally not great..because nobody like to be compare with the excellent, genius, competitive, hard worker, and intelligent BOY. And I am a GIRL. Is that unfair...YES. By the way...because I love my parent so so so so so much...I want to be smart as they wish me to be. So this boy, he become my guide lines, my target, my competition to what I am going to be. Everything he did, I will follow with hope that I can do better. And finally, I get an excellent result on my study and my parent were proud of me.

Unfortunately, my good result weren't good enough to take me to a better school so I end up went to a normal secondary school, while the brilliant boy got to enter one of the top school in the country. Now that we are not in the same school...I kind of lost. I don't have my guide lines. Luckily, after I change school, meets with new people, I found others who better that me to be my target. You see, I like the environment where there is people above so that I can after them. But knowing that the boy is always going to do better at the other challenging school...makes me never stop from competing others. For a long time, it have become natural inside of me...even though I didn't always get to reach my target...at least I am striving towards it.

13 march 2006...3pm..two weeks before this day, he was sent to ICU after falling while running for his homeroom during the school sport's day. Laying there in coma. I didn't get to see him because usually only family were allowed to enter. Most of his friends were worried...we pray a lot for him to wake up and be healthy again...run again..study again..and most importantly..smile again. But at this day..he was gone forever. The moment that I saw his house full of crowded people...I knew something bad happen...but I don't have the courage to see it for myself. Until old friends started to call me through phone...and told me what really happen. I didn't believe it at first. Well it's because I don't want to. I cried a lot that day. I don't why. He have a really bright future...and it all gone. For me...I was nobody...and yet still living. This boy, this person who is really a contribution died at a very young age...I felt useless...because I felt the lost from this boy.

After his death, I changed a lot..at least the in my perspective of live. So every year on this day...those things came back to my mind, and I shall never forget to be better in every thing I do.