15 march 2011

With full of gratefulness towords all the things that have been given to me...I'm very thankful to Allah for my life have been a great lesson this past 19 years and I hope that I didn't waste any part of my life.

Birthday was a very speacial day for me. But now, it seem to change it meanings to me. Usually my birthday would fall on the school holiday. So fortunately that I always get to spent it with my family or my friends. Since now I'm no longer in school...it was no holiday during my birthday.Of course, I'm in college now.

Anyway, I'm still lucky because my dad is coming back home today...he will arrive in malaysia tomorrow. So my whole family will came to my place to spent the school holiday. I just wish I could treasure every moment I have with them.

At very sharp second on the first hours of my birthday...the girls in my dorm sang me a happy birthday song. Even though there were only 4 of them...and 2 were actually singing...I still felt happy. At least someone is happy for me.

Since maxis are giving reward on everyone birthday....I called anyone I could...especially those who I never heard from them in a really long time...nice to finally speak to them...is not that you wish for their wishes...but just to ask how their life have been doing.

By the way, the boys of my class also sang me a song. It was during the first hour of class...Madam Hayati noticed my birthday from the Facebook I guessed. haha...the boy's singing were suck..I was expecting some louder voice or a broken radio but it seem like they were shy.I definitely wasn't hoping for any angle voice or what...after all, they are not singer.

At the afternoon...just before magrib time...two of my friends, Hijazi and Afif called me to came down the cafe. They told me they need the money for the girls posters. I wasn't sure why can't they use their own money first or just wait until our class that night. But I were suspicious when Afif told me to came down alone.

The next part was a sweet memory for me. It turn out, they both bought me a cake. A chocolate cake...wasn't my favorite but it really touch me. Luckily I didn't cry on that spot. I could loose my manly...hahaha. Anyway..we ate almost most 5/6 of the cake..haha..actually hijazi eat 3/6, afif almost2/6...and I less than 1/6. haha..we couldn't finish the cake so I brought the cake back to my dorm. The girls were shock..but not that shock la.

I thought FB would be clossing on 15 march...but when I went online...there were many HB post on my wall...haha..well that's all I could write about my birthday this year. Hye..it's my last year of being teenager..I just noticed.

13 march..

Today might be nothing to most of people in the world, it just a single day that's keep repeating as the same every year...again, and again. But for me...it reminds me of the things that made me who I am today...until now, it still affect me inside.

The truth is, on this faithfully date...I witnessed a lost of a boy who once was the hope of every adult that someday he will become a very great person who benefit the country, people, religious and most of all...his family.

At a very young age...I didn't really realize how the world system is... all I know is that I have to study and get the good result. but the things is...I'm a late bloomer. Every since I was child, my mind just won't work as fast as anyone else. And there was this boy..who happen to be the boy next door...or should I say the boy in front door?? Because he actually lived in front of my house...not next to it. Anyway, he was my neighbor...brilliant student at my school and we were at the same age since we were born.

My dad always compare me to him which totally not great..because nobody like to be compare with the excellent, genius, competitive, hard worker, and intelligent BOY. And I am a GIRL. Is that unfair...YES. By the way...because I love my parent so so so so so much...I want to be smart as they wish me to be. So this boy, he become my guide lines, my target, my competition to what I am going to be. Everything he did, I will follow with hope that I can do better. And finally, I get an excellent result on my study and my parent were proud of me.

Unfortunately, my good result weren't good enough to take me to a better school so I end up went to a normal secondary school, while the brilliant boy got to enter one of the top school in the country. Now that we are not in the same school...I kind of lost. I don't have my guide lines. Luckily, after I change school, meets with new people, I found others who better that me to be my target. You see, I like the environment where there is people above so that I can after them. But knowing that the boy is always going to do better at the other challenging school...makes me never stop from competing others. For a long time, it have become natural inside of me...even though I didn't always get to reach my target...at least I am striving towards it.

13 march 2006...3pm..two weeks before this day, he was sent to ICU after falling while running for his homeroom during the school sport's day. Laying there in coma. I didn't get to see him because usually only family were allowed to enter. Most of his friends were worried...we pray a lot for him to wake up and be healthy again...run again..study again..and most importantly..smile again. But at this day..he was gone forever. The moment that I saw his house full of crowded people...I knew something bad happen...but I don't have the courage to see it for myself. Until old friends started to call me through phone...and told me what really happen. I didn't believe it at first. Well it's because I don't want to. I cried a lot that day. I don't why. He have a really bright future...and it all gone. For me...I was nobody...and yet still living. This boy, this person who is really a contribution died at a very young age...I felt useless...because I felt the lost from this boy.

After his death, I changed a lot..at least the in my perspective of live. So every year on this day...those things came back to my mind, and I shall never forget to be better in every thing I do.