study for exam.....can i do it?

gosh....it's been almost 3 months i haven't touch my so call blog...is not that i don't have any stories to write...i just that i been messing with my mind lately trying to figure out what actually happening in my life. things are really turn 180 degrees for me after i leaved high school. the outside world just make me be someone i'm never been...or it just time that do change people...we just don't realize it...or don't want to admit it. anyway...right now i'm absolutely nervous since i'm going to resit my AS paper and adding more 3 of my A2papers... shit, that just too much. hate repeating papers....i'll try harder this time. i'm also scared because at the end of this year i'm going for vacation with my family for almost a week...and i definitely not going to spend more time for study...so..there goes my study.

MY LITTLE TRIP TO BESUT.

Last weekend, i went to besut with my uncle and auntie. although that weekend was a bit busy, i decided that i'm not going to let my chances go away. my untie invited me to join her side of family gathering for hari raya. the plan was on Friday we drive to besut, get a home-stay house, Saturday, go to the beach, breakfast, shopping at the supermarket, at the night, having BBQ. Sunday went back to Kulim.

i never used the highway of the East-west of Malaysia. i was completely amazed by the beauty of nature. there is even once, we crossed the lake of banding. on my god ...it was big until i felt a little goosebumps. i wander why i didn't felt it when i was crossing the bridge of pulau pinang? never mind, but the road is always turn right, turn left, and when you going up to the mountain or going down, you will feel the air pressure on your ears. cause i felt it a lot.

when we arrived at besut, my auntie brought me to meet her family and i recognized them one by one. they were very much friendly. although they are village people, they never look me on the other way. there were so many small children. i asked my auntie's sister how many child she had, she answer me 8. my jaw drop opened. so i asked on a girl beside me, which was holding a small boy. "is this your little brother?" she answer me.."no, this is my son.." . my auntie's sister just now is her mother-in-law. my jaw dropped even bigger.

i guess village people get marry early. even one of my auntie's sister had 13 children. right now, i felt even scarier to have a family of my own. how can people be so sure of what they are doing in their life. i means there are so many possibility and wonders.

so we finally arrived at our little homestay...or should i say big. because it was a big semidi house which full of furniture already. i got my own room with a king size bed, a mirror table, a closet and that's all. the kitchen were big. i guess that why they choose this house. the first night was smooth, i helped my untie prepare for dinner and had a small chat with my uncle and other new people i just met, did some study for my math quiz and then i went to sleep.

the next day, my auntie, two of her niece, and me went to the bukit keluang beach. it was a beautiful morning since the sun does not shine hardly. we had our breakfast there and took some pictures. luckily, the two niece, zana and su did brought a canon's camera which is great for our little shooting slot. then, my auntie and i went to the small market to buy some ingredient for our cook. my untie cooked mee jawa for the whole family and it was delicious. even i felt tired helping her, i sense a new me inside of myself.

that night, everyone were enjoying themselves, eating, laughing, talking, playing things, i was sitting alone looking at them. is not that i don't want to join them having fun or they were pushing me aside. it just that, suddenly i miss my mother so much, actually i miss my whole family, but mostly my parents. after seeing other people's life, i started to realize how scary your life can be. one day, your parents will die and you have to learn to live alone. is naturally comes to me when i get scared i miss my parents. because the most safely place i can think of is beside them. and seeing other people with thier own family, make me drop a few of my tears. i wish my parents know how much they means to me.

however, i got to hold my grip back after a while.the BBQ was done by the boys and my auntie keeps saving some for me. i was a bit touched by that. even i got to taste it first before the boys. haha. they didn't mind because they got to eat more. there were football live match, so they took turn on grilling the meats.

in the ends, everyone have a good time with their family. around 11 o'clock, people started to go back home. i helped my auntie do some cleaning until 12 o'clock. then back to my room, did some study and go to bed.

the next day, we started our journey back to kulim around 1 o'clock. we say a few goodbyes to the fellow relative and headed to the road where i was back a gain to amazed by those beautiful nature of Allah's creation.

AS Exam result...why it is so tough??

things are really getting too massy with all the side jobs i got from being the vice president of this whole prespain activity...thank Allah, some of the jobs were given to the other who i thought can handle it wisely. but still, i have to work twice than anyone else, since my recent marks from AS exam wasn't that really good. after having short talk with my beloved baba...he seems to approve my thought of getting 4 papers repeated. it just that now i'm considering what madam hayati had told me. she advice me to only repeat two or three papers...but that was only enough for me to get B on those papers..a low B. it just too risky for me...

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11 point...

i don't really know how to express my thought when i first saw my result slip. the full mark for as exam is 15 point but i only get 11. 3 of my classmate got 13 points, 4 persons got 12 point. i wander why i can't do the same...

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result...

Right now..i'm waiting for my name to be called. One by one student are being call to show them their result. The thing is, you don't have to hide it because it shows on your face a lot. I am really afraid i could not bear it. Please tell me the thing that i really want to hear.

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CARA NAK BUANG VIRUS DI BULAN PUASA> perhaps it can be done everyday actually

Enter the masjid
‘Forward’ --> your solat
‘Download’ --> pahala

......‘Firewall’ --> your iman

‘Backspace’ --> from syaitan
‘Bookmark’ --> to Allah SWT
‘Delete’ --> Allah’s enemies,
‘Copy paste’ --> from the Al-Qur’an and Sunnah
‘Help’ --> your muslim brothers n sisters
‘File’ --> your amal
‘Edit’ --> your akhlaq
‘View’ --> your good and bad deeds
‘Search’ --> the straight and right path
■ And Insya-Allah you will never get ‘virus ♥

lately...

So many things happen since the last time i wrote on my blog. I really wish i could update it all so that my family can read more about my life. I am absolutely will find my time to sit down and do some writing. But until this thursday, my heart just won't stop beating fastly. A level result came out that morning, i don't even sure whether i have the courage to look at it. So maybe on my next entry i would write about my result. Ya Allah, please kindly make me accept whatever my score would be. May it'll be the best of me.

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Pre- Spain Graduation dinner

Same with the other program like asasi n foundation at other university, our pre-spain also held our annual dinner. Well most of the works is done by the seniors...I guess the juniors could only look at the work...although we did help a little...just little.

Anyway, the dinner was held at this hotel named CITITEL..from the source that came to me..this hotel are rated 4 star, and also approved by JAKIM. So no need to be worried by the food prepared. The hotel was located at Pulau Pinang, so our bus had to move from Kulim at 6.00 p.m...even though we planned to leave at 5.30p.m. I was excited to look at the boy's outfit..but I was a bit disappointed...well, I was hoping for a new hairstyle or some extra accessories...I guess the boys of pre-spain weren't just that type of people.

Have I mention I was the MC for the ceremony? haha..seriously..that is the stupidest thing I ever did this year. I should be enjoying as much food I can that night...instead, I end up messing my mind with the flow of ceremony and fighting with my partner, izudin for the microphone.

Well, most of the time I actually pity toword my poor girlfriends. The 4 of them were just sitting there doing nothing except eating...( which I actually jelous a bit). It is not fun for me. I like mingle with my whole classmate..but the sitting were like separating the 5 of us...guess we use to be only 5 of us...but I hate that fact. I miss those girls I known back at school..wish there were more girls around me..I guess I'm just so sick of being with guys who so full of themselves.

Okey, enought about the feelings...the best part that night is that, I get lucky!..haha well if you include getting your number being mention in the lucky draw as lucky. Luckily I was not on the stage that time...it was izudin's turn. I guess the stage couldn't get enough of me..hahaha. (dah start dah penyakit aq ni). what a pity...is that the best thing I could get from an annual dinner? well...I guess I'm that pity.

But that is not the worst story of the night...we have this game where you have to buy a present and then exchange it with the person that you took their name from the draw. The truth is, I was grateful that izzudin was the person that get my present, since I was hoping I don't have to give it to people that I hate, or I recently can't get fit in...the worst part is that, well my present was brought by my so sweeeettt old friend, SHAHRIL. He is so damn sweeettt by buying me this soooo giltttterrrringgg SPANAR. haha...honestly, it was the best prize I ever get...no one ever give me something like that...I guess I'll never going to forget this thing until I die. By the way..I love the box. It looks very classy.

I think the dinner must be really a meaningful for the seniors...after 2 years...who knows what's going happen next...I guess I'll be missing them after this. The senior I miss the most, well that would be eddy for sure. Hopefully the good luck will be on his side and may get excellent result in the A LEVEL. For the other seniors, I hope I can get to know them more...if we still have chances to meet again...

the night ended and I start felt glad. Don't really sure the reasons why..

why people are like that??

why people demand so much?
>is it because life too short?
>or it because people are selfish?

why can't people accept for who we really are?
>is it so hard to change one thing about ourselves?
>or it because people think that they are so perfect?

why can people say the truth for the goods of others?
>why must insult one by telling what is right?
>is it because they never care for the others goods?

why people always forget?
>is it because they too busy?
>or it because they don't even care?

These questions keep pop in my head recently. My life are surrounded by people who sometimes can't realize things that really happen around them. People say they have feelings but why do they act like don't. Seriously life is too short. Why can't we treasure as much as we can.

sickness..

last week..went back home to see my father before he fly back to Frances..but on my way back to my college...my friend brought me a sandwich, from the small stall at the bus station...okey..straight to the point..the sandwich were poisonous...and my friend and i end up having food poisoning the next day..on monday..i was still holding my grip...so i went for my physics class that morning...but i was wrong...i can only stand on a half hour in the class and i went out to the toilet...my stomach, my head, my chest ..were killing me...i almost slept on the toilet...until my friends come and told that class almost end...after the class my sick friend and i went to the clinic with a help of my other friend...it was confirm that i have food poisoning this time..and i was given 2 days off...but the thing is...i was sick for the hold week..on thursday..i had to go to hospital to get some treatment because i can't eat anything....everything i eat..will be through out back...by me vomiting..but i still go for class on friday...at the very end second of the class...which i slept most of the time...suddenly, all my sickness seems to disappear...weird..one thing about this sickness that i hate...it seems like don't want me to go for class the whole week..but i do learn a lot from this sickness though,...most of it is how i should be grateful of what i already had during i am healthy... i also learn that people can be very mean and also kind at the same time...but thanks to this sickness too...my relationship with people around me are building stronger...and i also made new relationship...:)

pre-trial mood...

is only left one day before my AS trial exam week. frankly speaking...i do not set any target for this trial...because i know i'm not ready for it. so far...is not that i don't care about my study or result, seriously...i am aiming for a straight A this time...i know i can do it..but just not in this trial..i'm so not prepare. so far i think my chemistry need more memorizing...especially the paper are only an hour and 15 minutes...even if you are given book to cheek the answers...you will need more than that...the time are too short. but i think chemistry paper 1 would be where i should score more. so i'm counting for that. hopefully i could make it like kak fiq who got full mark for her chemistry paper 1. chemistry paper 2....i really need more time for you.

even though my physic paper 1 last semester was great..i know it wasn't based on my lecture's comment. but i'm really counting on physic than chemistry because my brain just accept physic better than chemistry...haha..what an accuse.. and i am in love with physic since SPM.

i know people expect to get A in math...but last semester i made a big mistake...i take math exam for granted...and take this...i failed my mechanics paper...after that..i learned my lesson. thank Allah, He made me realize that success is not something to be expected...it is something you must work your hard to earn it...so, i will strive my best...for parents and especially myself to get straight in AS...just not in this trial.

15 march 2011

With full of gratefulness towords all the things that have been given to me...I'm very thankful to Allah for my life have been a great lesson this past 19 years and I hope that I didn't waste any part of my life.

Birthday was a very speacial day for me. But now, it seem to change it meanings to me. Usually my birthday would fall on the school holiday. So fortunately that I always get to spent it with my family or my friends. Since now I'm no longer in school...it was no holiday during my birthday.Of course, I'm in college now.

Anyway, I'm still lucky because my dad is coming back home today...he will arrive in malaysia tomorrow. So my whole family will came to my place to spent the school holiday. I just wish I could treasure every moment I have with them.

At very sharp second on the first hours of my birthday...the girls in my dorm sang me a happy birthday song. Even though there were only 4 of them...and 2 were actually singing...I still felt happy. At least someone is happy for me.

Since maxis are giving reward on everyone birthday....I called anyone I could...especially those who I never heard from them in a really long time...nice to finally speak to them...is not that you wish for their wishes...but just to ask how their life have been doing.

By the way, the boys of my class also sang me a song. It was during the first hour of class...Madam Hayati noticed my birthday from the Facebook I guessed. haha...the boy's singing were suck..I was expecting some louder voice or a broken radio but it seem like they were shy.I definitely wasn't hoping for any angle voice or what...after all, they are not singer.

At the afternoon...just before magrib time...two of my friends, Hijazi and Afif called me to came down the cafe. They told me they need the money for the girls posters. I wasn't sure why can't they use their own money first or just wait until our class that night. But I were suspicious when Afif told me to came down alone.

The next part was a sweet memory for me. It turn out, they both bought me a cake. A chocolate cake...wasn't my favorite but it really touch me. Luckily I didn't cry on that spot. I could loose my manly...hahaha. Anyway..we ate almost most 5/6 of the cake..haha..actually hijazi eat 3/6, afif almost2/6...and I less than 1/6. haha..we couldn't finish the cake so I brought the cake back to my dorm. The girls were shock..but not that shock la.

I thought FB would be clossing on 15 march...but when I went online...there were many HB post on my wall...haha..well that's all I could write about my birthday this year. Hye..it's my last year of being teenager..I just noticed.

13 march..

Today might be nothing to most of people in the world, it just a single day that's keep repeating as the same every year...again, and again. But for me...it reminds me of the things that made me who I am today...until now, it still affect me inside.

The truth is, on this faithfully date...I witnessed a lost of a boy who once was the hope of every adult that someday he will become a very great person who benefit the country, people, religious and most of all...his family.

At a very young age...I didn't really realize how the world system is... all I know is that I have to study and get the good result. but the things is...I'm a late bloomer. Every since I was child, my mind just won't work as fast as anyone else. And there was this boy..who happen to be the boy next door...or should I say the boy in front door?? Because he actually lived in front of my house...not next to it. Anyway, he was my neighbor...brilliant student at my school and we were at the same age since we were born.

My dad always compare me to him which totally not great..because nobody like to be compare with the excellent, genius, competitive, hard worker, and intelligent BOY. And I am a GIRL. Is that unfair...YES. By the way...because I love my parent so so so so so much...I want to be smart as they wish me to be. So this boy, he become my guide lines, my target, my competition to what I am going to be. Everything he did, I will follow with hope that I can do better. And finally, I get an excellent result on my study and my parent were proud of me.

Unfortunately, my good result weren't good enough to take me to a better school so I end up went to a normal secondary school, while the brilliant boy got to enter one of the top school in the country. Now that we are not in the same school...I kind of lost. I don't have my guide lines. Luckily, after I change school, meets with new people, I found others who better that me to be my target. You see, I like the environment where there is people above so that I can after them. But knowing that the boy is always going to do better at the other challenging school...makes me never stop from competing others. For a long time, it have become natural inside of me...even though I didn't always get to reach my target...at least I am striving towards it.

13 march 2006...3pm..two weeks before this day, he was sent to ICU after falling while running for his homeroom during the school sport's day. Laying there in coma. I didn't get to see him because usually only family were allowed to enter. Most of his friends were worried...we pray a lot for him to wake up and be healthy again...run again..study again..and most importantly..smile again. But at this day..he was gone forever. The moment that I saw his house full of crowded people...I knew something bad happen...but I don't have the courage to see it for myself. Until old friends started to call me through phone...and told me what really happen. I didn't believe it at first. Well it's because I don't want to. I cried a lot that day. I don't why. He have a really bright future...and it all gone. For me...I was nobody...and yet still living. This boy, this person who is really a contribution died at a very young age...I felt useless...because I felt the lost from this boy.

After his death, I changed a lot..at least the in my perspective of live. So every year on this day...those things came back to my mind, and I shall never forget to be better in every thing I do.

excursión en Penang~

Last week..I went for a short trip to penang with 3 of my friends - Ainun,Lina, and Wirda. Actually I planned to visit and sleepover at my old friend who staying at Kepala Batas. But something happens and my planned can't be proceed.

That morning, Lina and I already woke up early...Wirda and Ainun...well, they both sleep kind of late the night before...so we got out from our college around 9 o'clock that morning. We got into a taxi and went to the station bus. From there, we took a bus until we arrived at the jetty. The jetty was near the bus station at Butterworth..from there...we ride a ferry for the first time...well actually I ride it once already before with my family.

Seriously..only four of us were standing by the side watching the morning hot view of the water splatting over and the bouts crossing the sea..others were sitting quietly on their chair, even some of them fall to sleep. I guess we were too excited cause we don't usually get the chance to do this kind of stuff frequently.

It took us about half of hour to cross the sea...and at last..we arrived at Penang..hahaha you might thought this is kind of childish but when the ferry arrived at penang...I turn around and look at the land I just left, and I felt like I lost all kind of connection between me and all my problems...it actually kind of nice to be somewhere you not familiar with...than being at places where you always get a heartbreak.

At penang we took the rapid penang to the Gurney Plaza. Although it is a long way with riding the bus...but I like watching things that is new to me...it keeps my mind away from thinking about all those drama that keep happening...being naive is so hard, but also exciting since you learning lots of new things.

The first thing we did when we arrive at the gurney plaza is that we took a few photos at the park next to the plaza. Since the sun shine too hard, Lina and I decided..let's took a photo with our sun glasses on...hehe...is time for photoshoot.!!

Then we walk around to look for a nice shop. I stop at reject shop to buy a cloth. I found this nice black kind of jacket...fortunately it was my size. By the way, the cloth is actually have a playboy tag..cause it's actually a playboy product..haha..I felt like doing something different when wearing the playboy tag.hahaha.

After surveying for hours from music studio to popular bookstore to the fitness first gym (hahaha this one is actually wirda, lina n myself lost while our little window shopping), we performed our prayer then hit the Mcd for lunch. Why we always end up eating mcd no matter how far we travel ...btw, Mcd is 2 second next to my home, and I'm absolutely bored with the food. I wonder how rich is the mcd donald owner??

After lunch..we hang out at the back side of the plaza which facing the sea. Eventhough the sun shine but the hotness didn't really disturbed us because the wind were nice. I took a long hard look on the sea to calmly think of everything that happens and what are the things I should do to survive this trouble. Last but no least, we did some photo shoot again since the view are nice.

Before we headed back to our college, we bought big apple... but when I came back ...I realize those problmes do not gone..it just stay away for a while..plus, it getting worse after I arrived and got the bad news. I guess you can never run from trouble...because it never fade away..it always there waiting for you to face it.

I hope Allah will give me all the support that I would need to face these troubles and all the future tests I would have to go through...

thing's that is wrong...

Have you ever felt that you want to help some one but that person doesn't need your help. Plus, that person happen to be someone who is really close too you and it bugs you to see that person are not happy, or the right words is that not like usual. Normally people like to hang on somebody. People want someone to care about them. But that person don't want your help. Is like he hate the kind of help that he would get. Sometimes it turn that the person who wants to offer the help felt that he was the one that person hate, since that person hate his help. I wonder what is the best way to help this kind of person since I happen to have one friends who is sort of like this. At least that what I though about the friend I just mention. I really wish I could help you but it seem like the wall is to high and the distance is too far. Every time I come near u get far far away.